Stepmom refuses to pay for her 10-year-old stepson's private school, dad and mom get angry despite saving $0 towards his education: 'He has 2 parents and I can’t understand why it’s all up to me to save'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 6, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Nobody is entitled to attend a fancy private school, which will undoubtedly have a positive impact on their life prospects. Life is truly not fair, and if we actually lived in a meritocracy, the smartest kids would attend the best high schools instead of merely settling for the best colleges. Whether a kid attends a private high school usually has a lot more to do with their parents' income and saving habits than their own merit. Indeed, some children gain admission to private schools through athletic or academic scholarships, but they are the exception rather than the rule. 

Many middle-class parents make significant sacrifices to enable their children to attend private schools. They live well below their means and hold second and third jobs so that their kids can have the best education possible. These parents don't have to do this; there isn't a law that says their kids have to attend private school, but they're willing to put in the work because this is what's best for their children, and they'll stop at nothing to provide that for them. 

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  • Beautiful kid boy with schoolbag rucksack standing in room in early morning happy healthy child on the way to lessons and school education concept
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  • Some parents want their kids to attend private school without actually providing the funds to do so. It's pretty neutral to encourage their middle schooler to apply for academic scholarships to attend a private school. What isn't neutral is asking an adult who isn't their family to foot the bill, and that's exactly what this dad is doing to his girlfriend and the mother of his 2nd child. 

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to pay for my step son to go to private school?

    My partner and I have a child together and a 10 year old step son from his previous relationship (we aren't married). We have my step son 50% of the time and his mother the other 50% of the time. I earn more than my partner but not considerably more but I am very good at saving. Since our
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  • child was born I have been putting money in to a savings account for her and will continue to do so towards a house deposit when she is older and also saving a fund towards private school. My partner has not been putting any money aside for either child and neither has my step son's mum.
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  • Now that my step son's mum has heard that we have been looking at private schools for our daughter she is accusing me of being unfair to her son. Over the years I have paid for clothing, activities, holidays and a private tutor and treated him as I would my own but now this has caused a rift. I would love for him to have the same opportunities as my daughter but he has two parents
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  • and I can't understand why it's all up to me to save for both children or why my biological child should miss out on the opportunities I am trying to create for her. It's confusing, as a step parent one minute you get told to treat them as your own and the next minute you get told not to overstep because you aren't their mum. AITA?
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  • Mother with her cute little daughter sitting on bed together in free time little girl whispering a secret to her mother
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  • Proscpect NTA. They're insane for expecting you to pay for both children yet are doing nothing to save for any of the children. Do they think you're mother Teresa?
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  • Historical-Sleep-667 Seriously, if they're not contributing, they don't get to dictate how you spend your money.
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  • different-take4u NTA, ask them what they have been, and are doing, for their child's future, then ask them why they aren't pitching in for your child and see what they have to say. If they can expect something from you, can't you expect the same in return?
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  • CatCharacter848 Tell them you'll match the amount they both have saved = £0 Seriously though stop paying for a child that isn't yours. His parents should.
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  • MindfulPapaya NTA. The kid is their responsibility, you are not a milking cow.
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  • LizP1959 NO NO NO! You are not the mother. You are not even married to the father. Legally you have no relationship to this child and no responsibility. OP I would be on the lookout for other ways in which this man is trying to take advantage of you financially!! He sounds like a Labor Digger to me.
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  • Fun_Selection454 OP It's definitely got me thinking. I do more school runs than both of his parents and take him to all of his medical appointments etc. it seems to be expected of me because I work from home, even though I have a very busy job. Think I need to get a backbone!
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  • Rainbow_Belle If you're being more of a parent than the actual parents, you've got a problem with your partner, too. Is he a hobosexual too? (Living in your home for free, not contributing much in terms of finance and labor, and expects you to do most of the house work and child care?) What does he do for the household?
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  • Fun_Selection454 OP I've often felt this to be honest. He is a good dad and he works hard and contributes but should really be contributing more
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  • stuckinnowhereville He's not a good dad if he's relying on you to take care of his son and he's not putting any money away for either child and he's expecting you to put most of the bills and transport his kid that's stupid. Well, it's actually genius on his part and stupid on yours.
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  • Pale-Vehicle2067 Stop paying for your boyfriend's child.
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  • unicorn67tf NTA. Not your fault you're the only financially responsible person in the picture. Surprised your husband didn't stick up for you. You've worked hard for your money and it always blows my mind that people feel so entitled to others' earnings. It sounds like you've been more than generous to your step son already.
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  • Time for a chat that if they want to make private school happen for their kid, no one is standing in their way and they're responsible for making it so. Send them a youtube video on savings accounts and how to save money effectively (interest rates, credit unions, etc). They truly want to give their son future opportunities? That's great! But you're not their ATM. Your daughter should be humble and not brag (not that she is, just wanted to point that out)
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  • TALKTOME0701 They're not married. But I agree with you. I feel like when the partner doesn't speak up, it's because they secretly agree and they're letting someone else do the talking for them. That guy could get another job as could his ex if they were really interested in his kid going to private school.
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  • Randa08 Nta but how do you have any respect for your partner? He's failed to provide for either of his children the way he should.
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  • Fun_Selection454 OP He is a very good father but when it comes to money I am just more forward thinking
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  • Randa08 He can't be a good father, good fathers don't have one kid go to private schools and one kid not. You think the kid who gets less his whole life is going to think he's a good father? This isn't a matter of not being able to do it, he's chosen not to.
    via u/Randa08
  • nvrhsot This is insane.
    via u/nvrhsot

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family drama stepmother school elementary school saving money money problems stepmom private school dad high school family mom money son stepson Father
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